at the beginning of 2009, we thought differently about August.

it seemed so far away. and i envisioned being the worried father-to-be, bag packed and placed strategically by the door. responding to my wife’s every twinge with great anticipation.

well, it didn’t turn out exactly that way. while most of the past twelve weeks has been about worrying, it’s now being replaced by anticipation – we are in a countdown until Justin can come home.

Carrie has been staying up at Dartmouth for the past two weeks, working all day, every day, on getting him to be able to nurse. he’s also gotten consistently better with Oxygen – they only give him any if he needs it while eating.

and as of this writing, his weight is up to 2,915 grams, or six pounds, seven ounces (almost 1/2 stone, to our friends in England). all this of course is rambling, the pictures speak for his progress far better than i could.

for some football? no. not quite.

we’re within a month of Justin’s original due date. while everyone else would have been preparing the nursery, assembling the crib, buying cute outfits, stocking up on diapers… we’ve been driving. and trying to cram in preparations around the trips, and the occasional web development (roof over his head? yeah that’s a requirement for bringing him home).

our ‘days off’ have been a point of interest. someone joked with me “we never got ‘days off’ when we had our kids.” my bitter, internal reply was – you had 14 weeks off from being parents that we never got. of course, am i the type who would have taken that time and been super-organized, gotten all ducks into a row, and been as prepared as i possibly could be for week 40? probably not. okay, definitely not. so i can’t justify that bitterness.

today i found myself summing it up: there are people who have had an easier time than us. and as we’ve seen with other parents in the ICN, there are people who are having much greater challenges. they’ve gotten the news that we’ve prayed to never get. and i can’t even begin to imagine how i would deal with that.

not even regarding what Justin himself has been through in his short life so far. he already has his old man far outnumbered in IVs, intubations, and blood transfusions. all i have to do is make websites and (get ready to) change (lots of) diapers.

so i will take my lemons and go squeeze them into a glass. and with the help, prayers, and support of our incredibly gracious network of family and friends, the lemonade doesn’t taste that sour. and when i look at my son, and i see the innocence and wonderment in his eyes as he experiences this world for the very first time, it actually tastes pretty sweet.

so on top of everything else going on in my life, i got the itch to redesign my blog. it’s been a while. the new design is something i’ve had rattling around in my brain for a while, and i finally took a bit of time to bring it all together.

this is the eighth design iteration for my website, starting from it’s humble beginnings in 1996.

i had originally intended to design my own paisley for the background. paisleys are something i’ve been obsessed with for a number of years as well (the things you’re learning about me!). but i’ve found that while i think i’m a pretty competent developer, and and adequate designer, i would rank ‘illustrator’ even lower on my list of attributes than ‘writer.’ so, i found and licensed the paisley pattern on istockphoto.com.

it’s a subtle effect, but in browsers other than Internet Explorer 6, on top of the paisleys are a shadow and a highlight that stay fixed when you scroll the page (although the paisley and the content move).

not that i’m dropping support for IE6, but i wanted to take advantage of functionality available in modern browsers. you should still get proper layout and usability in IE6, and something special if you’re using something newer.

thanks for reading, and you can give me feedback (constructive, please!) in the comments or use the contact form to send me a private note.

we realized the only public photo we’ve shared is justin on a ventilator, the day he was born. he’s come a long, long way since then. here he is now: 3lbs, 8.8oz. happily sleeping with mom holding him.

in the past several months, our basis or ‘normal’ has changed a lot.

carrie was put on strict 24/7 bedrest, and i thought, okay. she’s home. i can take care of her. we can do this. and we did. guess what? “normal,” is different.

then we found out that strict bedrest at home wasn’t enough, she was transported to DHMC. 90 miles away. and i thought, okay. she’s in Lebanon. i can go back and forth. we can do this. and we did. normal changes, again.

then justin arrived 14 weeks early. we already knew he would be staying in the ICN. we hadn’t quite figured on it being three months. normal? yeah.

well, the good news is he is doing very well. he’s over 1500 grams (3lbs 5ounces). he’s doing his part – eating, breathing, pooping, sleeping, growing.

as for us? a thousand miles of driving a week. our diet is shot. trying to fit in housework when we’re actually home AND awake. but we’ve made this ‘normal.’ it’s almost commonplace.

“normal” is supposed to be crying baby waking you up. dirty diapers. spit, burp, vomit, cry. repeat. “normal” is supposed to be sleep-deprivation and frustration.

but “normal” is also supposed to be holding, rocking, bonding, teaching, learning, growing. and joy. repeat.

we are halfway between Justin’s birthday, and his original due date. normal is going to change, again. and i can’t wait.